About

 Welcome!

I'm your neurospicy blog author, aquadonia/dj aquadonia. I am a 40 something that feels compelled to share all kinds of stuff publicly for some ridiculous reason I cannot name. This blog can be personally confessional to super gushy and journalistically imposter-y about music and the things I really like as well as anything anywhere in between and beyond. The main goal for me, it seems, is to satisfy this deep need to be seen and heard, and, thus, this blog and various social media accounts exist. Hopefully you'll give me a chance.

aquadonia on her birthday | selfie and overlay edit 2024

As you may see, some posts are authored by aquadonia and some dj aquadonia.

This is done in effort to separate the music postings from the personal ones,

thus, if you want to see just the music postings, look under dj aquadonia and the 'music' tag.

aquadonia

My name is Mindy, but the 'persona' of sorts, aquadonia, is as much me as my birth name is. Maybe even more so. The name came in a bizarre way that I may write about one day but I prefer to keep under wraps, entrusting few with the information. Just know that 'aquadonia' is...I guess you could say, my 'soul' name, and it is incredibly personal to me.

I love art and, although I'm not great at it, I like to create art of my own when I am in the mindset to do so. I have found that I absolutely adore Art Nouveau style art and am big on abstract yet I enjoy art of all kinds. When I create, it tends to be more abstract or, in the case of my flowers, an abstract take on nature (if I were to put a label on it, anyway).

I do enjoy writing quite a bit and do like to read. I tend to write from my own life perspectives and about my own experiences, and I especially enjoy writing about the music I love. As for reading... I do enjoy fiction in different forms, but, when I do get my brain together to read, I go more for non fiction, particularly in the self-improvement, psychology, sociology, and occult/religion realms. (I'm a curious bean and like to learn.)

And music... 

Music is deeply important to me, being the only truly lifelong friend I have ever had, even in the times when it was incredibly difficult to find and hold on to that connection. I have always wanted to be a 'singer in a rock and roll band', writing songs and creating music with the help of talented and trustworthy musicians, touring the world and just bringing the musical love to all who want to receive it. Fame has never really been a factor in these dreams. I just wanted to make music and sing for others. Unfortunately, thanks to ADHD and possible Autism myself and my mother had no idea I had, and the lack of understanding and support I really needed most made pursuing these dreams incredibly difficult.

neurospicy and 'damaged'

Although I have discovered that I am indeed very likely to be neurodivergent (or neurospicy, which sounds MUCH better), I am still undiagnosed and am trying to fight the anxiety of going toward diagnosis. ADHD is clear, though, and, upon looking at my life and behaviours, Autism seems possible. Knowing that these things explain my seeming inability to 'be what I should be' helps to ease the feelings of deep inadequacy and shame in relation to my life, but there is still a lot of work to be done to let those deeply engrained feelings go.

In these realizations, I find that I must mourn the life that I had wanted and hoped for that was ripped away by these things I could not help. Toward the end of 2023 and all through 2024, I have found myself trying to work through a deep and fundamental shift that saw me nearly completely drop off from everyone. I am currently in weekly therapy to try and work through all the deep-seeded issues within, which is helping a lot, I just need an incredible amount of support that I, sadly, still feel unworthy to receive. Working through these feelings has been a deep and messy process but I am trying.

socially stunted

 With all of the neurospiciness to deal with, it has always been incredibly difficult for me to make and maintain deep social connections, and the negative social experiences of the past color how I navigate it all. The 'Eep! these people are wonderful and supporting and are getting close! Run before they discover my 'crazy' and leave me!' and 'Things are going well... better run before I ruin it' cycles are incredibly prevalent no matter how much I don't want them to be. I am trying so hard to find my self worth and self love so these fears and behaviours can subside. I hope that those I have connected with in person and online can still love and accept me as I figure myself out.

What Life Brings

In attempts to move forward into the future and reach my goals, I am working toward not only maintaining a regular presence on my blog and online but toward streaming on Twitch. Music being the primary focus, I have plans in the works and am trying like hell to fight my brain to make them fucking happen. I am aiming to keep up current and upcoming blog features and also to bring them to the live stream world. Having always thought being a radio DJ would be awesome, I want to create that space via Twitch along with chat/podcast type streams. Working through the block of Imposter Syndrome and the feelings of 'I have to be awesome right out of the gate or I will be a disappointment', I am determined to get there. I know I have the love, support, and encouragement from friends near and far if I just accept it (I'm trying!), and am incredibly grateful and thankful that this net exists to catch me when I lose grip on the climb.

  

Thank You

Many gigantic thanks to every single person who as helped and supported me in any way over all the years from childhood to now. None of it is truly forgotten no matter how much time goes by, and every single kindness is incredibly appreciated beyond words. You have all helped me no matter how small or large the kindness, and that matters so much more than you can all know. Thank you for being there for me, even if I couldn't 'see' you. I love you all. <3